Tuesday, February 9, 2010

For My Honey

Warning: Not the most positive of posts. At least to begin with.

I've been a bit mental these last few weeks. I've had mood swings like theres no tomorrow! One moment I'm happy and content, the next something insignificant happens and I've got my knickers all in a twist. The worst part is when I just get plain ol' angry. And who has to deal with me... yup Mr. Milk. Its bad enough that he works hard all day long, and sometimes when he comes home too, the last thing he needs is a fiance who should be on Xanax AND Prozac! 

Being in Vancouver is starting to take its toll on me. I miss my family, my friends, having a job, having an income, my car, my dogs, and the list goes on. While I am happy that we finally live together and get to do everyday things together, the unbalance in my life is becoming very difficult to deal with. Everyday I try to channel in good energy, positive thoughts, a better attitude. And most of the time I lose this battle. I know its mind over matter, I know I should focus on what I have versus what I don't have, I know there are a lot of people who have it far far worse than I, but yet there is a but. And that but comes from the fact that many things that give me personal satisfaction I cannot have or do right now. In many ways all I have right now is Mr. Milk. And this is neither healthy for me nor him. I know this situation is temporary and once I am out of it I will probably look back and be a little disgusted with myself, but I'm in this slump and I'm having a tough time getting out of it. 

It's always initially difficult when we come back from Cyprus to get readjusted again, but this time its taking forever. Not being able to work here doesn't help any. And while I have an exam to study for, I am so not motivated to do it. I get into it a little bit and then have an insane need to watch trashy daytime TV that I've never seen in my life, or get something to eat when I am completely full!

Mr. Milk is amazing though! He puts up with me day in day out, never losing his cool, being sympathetic and supportive, even when I don't deserve it. This man blows my mind. He is always there, waiting to give me a much needed hug, even after I've had a go at him for nothing. He is patient, talks things through with me, and encourages me to lean on him. He puts his interests aside and deals with mine. I feel like apologizing to him is never enough. He deserves so much more, especially taking into account all that he provides for us. So in part this post is a massive public thank you for being who you are and a way of saying... 



I really couldn't have asked for a better man in my life! And while I have the option of heading back home earlier than planned (will be going in June for wedding planning purposes), I can't imagine leaving him behind and being apart for longer. 

I promise to try harder to have a better attitude and make your days happier. Because you so deserve it!

21 fabulous blogger's comments:

cupcake wedding said...

I have been trying to come through on this vow for a while now. I am so cranky sometimes and the guy rarely is. Makes me feel horrible.

Geezees Custom Canvas Art said...

I hope you start feeling better soon!!

Bicoastal Bride said...

Aw, I’m so sorry you’re going through a rough time. I can relate somewhat, because I remember when I first came to D.C., I didn’t know anyone or even have a job yet. I still go through periods where I miss my family and friends in California so much that I just want us to pack up and move back home after the wedding. I hope you feel better soon!

Ghenet said...

{Cyber-hug!} Hang in there, things will get better soon!

Patience said...

I hope you pull out of your slump soon. It is difficult to be away from your family, friends, etc and rely on one person. I have been there, but my guy resented me for being down and I knew we would never work.

It is very refreshing to know that God picked the perfect man for you because he is helping you through your difficult time and it will make your relationship stronger.
p.s. Day time trashy tv is sometimes so good to watch, just sayin.

Chelsea Talks Smack said...

feel better soon dear, we all have these times!

PartyPlannerGal said...

I can sympathize with this - I have lived in San Francsico for seven years now, and while it's great when the weather is nice . . . the weather is rarely nice. I miss the sun something fierce, and it's especially bad in the summer when the fog is thick as soup and I know it's 85 degrees and sunny 10 miles away. I know you know what I'm talking about. I blame so much of my bad moods on the city, but my fiance LOVES it here and doesn't want to move. I need to shape up my attitude because he does so much for me, I need to give in on this one thing.

Good luck to you! It looks like sunnier days are ahead.

Ruthy G. said...

We're women...no matter what we'd go through these swings. I feel the same way with different circumstances. I hate that I have to work full time, plan a destination wedding without ANY of my friends near me. I went wedding dress shopping by myself and pretty much started this blog as a way to keep in touch with my girlfriends who are all across the globe. Thank goodness for Good Men out there that can handle us :)

Anonymous said...

Hope you will get better! :)

Stacy Marie said...

I think we all go through downtimes like this...but this just shows you that Mr. Milk truly is going to be a wonderful husband (not that you didn't know it already, but it reinforces that knowledge!)

Kristy said...

I feel you my dear. I moved back to boston when mike got a job offer a few years back. I left all of my girlfriends, my place, my job, and the sunshine - in the middle of winter and fell into a similar funk. when all of the other normal day to day things were up in the air i found myself putting a lot of pressure on him for ALL of my happiness and my entertainment, and worth. i was on him as soon as he got through the door, upset if he didnt want to have a conversation as soon as he sat down, or know exactly what he wanted for dinner so i could DO something. in the end it has made us who we are today and now that we are on the other side we know that we will be able to make it through any life changes we might encounter as a couple. being in it and knowing you have a good one is a great reminder that you work together. just try and remember it wont last forever and try to do one thing for just yourself every day (after ellen and before design on a dime of course!)

Salt said...

I know how it hard it is to be so far away from loved ones. It's ok to fall apart over it sometimes...it happens to the best of us and it sounds like you have a wonderful and patient man there to help you along! I hope you start feeling better soon! *hug*

SG said...

I'm sorry you're having a rough time right now but I know it will get better soon.

Caro said...

When I feel as blue as you, each time I think of something negative I try to think of something positive to match it up.

Mrs T said...

You poor thing. At least you still know that having each other is enough. That means a lot.

buhdoop said...

Hugs girlie. We all go through it. I've learned to just know that it is coming, let it come, sit in it for awhile, then let it pass.

Mr. and Mrs. Stoneking said...

What you are going through is totally normal! Hang in there!

k80 @ onegirlsjourney said...

Feel free to vent anytime! We all experience a little bit of that from time to time...I know I do that on my blog probably too often,but it's good to have the support of friends.

It is all only temporary! Just keep your eye on the prize! Things will get better and this phase will be behind you someday too! :)

Born to be Mrs. Beever said...

Lady, you are doing just fine. Your thoughts and feelings are totally justified and to be expected from a normal, healthy, active woman. You have great insight into your relationship and your own personal struggles so that is a huge part of the solution! Don't stress about your feelings...embrace them, let them come and then recognize them for what they are (as you have in this post) and give yourself the time to move on.

It sounds like you have an amazing man and support system and like you both understand what you're both going through, so just continue to lean on that security and encourage him and yourself to remember that this too shall pass.

I know it's rough right now with all the changes coming and that you've already dealt with, but as you said, it won't be this way forever. And you have all of us to hopefully blurt out your frustrations to! :)

Melissa said...

hang in there love =) Transitions in life are some of the most difficult things to handle, but with the wonderful support you have from your husband and other special people in your life, I'm sure you will come out of this stronger and ready for the next challenge! Your blog friends are here for you too ;)

Have a wonderful day

xoxo

Giovanna said...

i hear you...it can get really lonely when you leave your family behind, and all the everyday things you love. june is just around the corner though, and i'm sure things will get better. you're really lucky that you have such a great support system.