I've been a bit mental these last few weeks. I've had mood swings like theres no tomorrow! One moment I'm happy and content, the next something insignificant happens and I've got my knickers all in a twist. The worst part is when I just get plain ol' angry. And who has to deal with me... yup Mr. Milk. Its bad enough that he works hard all day long, and sometimes when he comes home too, the last thing he needs is a fiance who should be on Xanax AND Prozac!
Being in Vancouver is starting to take its toll on me. I miss my family, my friends, having a job, having an income, my car, my dogs, and the list goes on. While I am happy that we finally live together and get to do everyday things together, the unbalance in my life is becoming very difficult to deal with. Everyday I try to channel in good energy, positive thoughts, a better attitude. And most of the time I lose this battle. I know its mind over matter, I know I should focus on what I have versus what I don't have, I know there are a lot of people who have it far far worse than I, but yet there is a but. And that but comes from the fact that many things that give me personal satisfaction I cannot have or do right now. In many ways all I have right now is Mr. Milk. And this is neither healthy for me nor him. I know this situation is temporary and once I am out of it I will probably look back and be a little disgusted with myself, but I'm in this slump and I'm having a tough time getting out of it.
It's always initially difficult when we come back from Cyprus to get readjusted again, but this time its taking forever. Not being able to work here doesn't help any. And while I have an exam to study for, I am so not motivated to do it. I get into it a little bit and then have an insane need to watch trashy daytime TV that I've never seen in my life, or get something to eat when I am completely full!
Mr. Milk is amazing though! He puts up with me day in day out, never losing his cool, being sympathetic and supportive, even when I don't deserve it. This man blows my mind. He is always there, waiting to give me a much needed hug, even after I've had a go at him for nothing. He is patient, talks things through with me, and encourages me to lean on him. He puts his interests aside and deals with mine. I feel like apologizing to him is never enough. He deserves so much more, especially taking into account all that he provides for us. So in part this post is a massive public thank you for being who you are and a way of saying...
I really couldn't have asked for a better man in my life! And while I have the option of heading back home earlier than planned (will be going in June for wedding planning purposes), I can't imagine leaving him behind and being apart for longer.
I promise to try harder to have a better attitude and make your days happier. Because you so deserve it!