It all started over discussions on buying a house. We have been thinking and talking about this on and off since January. An opportunity came to our attention through a developer we know, who is building small, townhome-like houses that Mr. Milk thought we could afford. I am typically the hesitant/resistant one in the relationship when it comes to big decisions like this. I prefer to have most of the facts before I start a discussion about something. Mr. Milk on the other hand is the type who likes to brain storm out loud. He likes to talk about his ideas and figure things out as they come up. Now keep in mind that I am without a job, so clearly I have nothing to contribute to the purchase of a home (or any other major purchase for that matter). So in our discussions, I assumed that Mr. Milk knew about most things that pertained to such a purchase. After all, he was doing some research, talking to people who were recent home-owners, inquiring about mortgages, and so on. I finally become more comfortable with the idea that we can make such a large investment with one salary and started to get more involved in the process. We talked about how if we get in early enough, we could make some changes to the internal layout of the house, like have a larger kitchen and a smaller laundry room rather than a small spare room downstairs.
Well it all blew up in our face the other day. After discussions with the developer Mr. Milk came to the conclusion that this was no longer affordable. I was stunned and disappointed and confused. I guess at the end of the day I felt a little cheated. Here I was trying to take small, calculated steps towards this idea and just as I was starting to feel comfortable with it and get excited about it, I had the rug pulled out from under me. Apparently there were some expenses that he hadn't taken into account, which can happen to anyone, but I did not react well to it all.
This is so how I felt about this argument! Anyway, it all came down to miscommunication and certain expectations that were set that were unrealistic at the end of the day. We talked about our different ways of handling things and are trying to come up with a better way to not fall into such traps in the future. I'm sure just like anything else, it will be a work in progress. Once the intensity of the argument subsided, we were better able to see where we had each gone wrong and apologize. Hopefully we don't have too many more arguments of this intensity, but if they happen only once every nine months, then I really can't complain.
Have you and your Mr. had such arguments? How do you deal with them?