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Hi ladies (and guys if there are any of you reading this)! I wanted to interrupt the wedding recaps to ask for your advice on a wedding/etiquette related matter. Mr. Milk and I were recently talking about this issue, and although we don't have to make a decision immediately, I thought it would be interesting to get your input. So here goes...
We have been invited to a wedding of a first cousin of mine that will be taking place in June. While the couple and their families (i.e. my aunt and uncle) live abroad, they are having the wedding here, since the majority of the extended family lives here.
These family members were invited to our wedding. Between our invitation being sent out and the actual wedding date, my cousin got engaged. So I made sure that they knew that her new fiance (I had no idea she was in a relationship at all) was also invited to the wedding, even tough his name wasn't on the original invitation. I need to mention that we are not close. I haven't seen them in years and years, and we have always lived in different countries. Only my aunt came to our wedding. We heard nothing from either of my two cousins, even though we had phone and email contact written on our invitation.
We have four weddings to go to between May and Sept of this year, all of close friends and family that attended our wedding also. My cousin is holding her wedding in a remote location where hotel accommodation is extremely expensive, and driving back home after a long night is not really ideal.
So here comes our dilemma. Should we attend this wedding? Yes it's family but to be honest, I personally feel no obligation to be there. When we take a step back and look at all the expenses of the four weddings we are already going to attend (one is in the UK), its a heck of a lot of money! And for people that made zero effort when it came to our wedding (I mean even just an email, forget paying to come out here for it) I'm leaning towards a no. The catch is that it is first line family, and our absence will be noticeable since mostly everyone else (I think) will be there.
What are your thoughts? What would you do?
We have been invited to a wedding of a first cousin of mine that will be taking place in June. While the couple and their families (i.e. my aunt and uncle) live abroad, they are having the wedding here, since the majority of the extended family lives here.
These family members were invited to our wedding. Between our invitation being sent out and the actual wedding date, my cousin got engaged. So I made sure that they knew that her new fiance (I had no idea she was in a relationship at all) was also invited to the wedding, even tough his name wasn't on the original invitation. I need to mention that we are not close. I haven't seen them in years and years, and we have always lived in different countries. Only my aunt came to our wedding. We heard nothing from either of my two cousins, even though we had phone and email contact written on our invitation.
We have four weddings to go to between May and Sept of this year, all of close friends and family that attended our wedding also. My cousin is holding her wedding in a remote location where hotel accommodation is extremely expensive, and driving back home after a long night is not really ideal.
So here comes our dilemma. Should we attend this wedding? Yes it's family but to be honest, I personally feel no obligation to be there. When we take a step back and look at all the expenses of the four weddings we are already going to attend (one is in the UK), its a heck of a lot of money! And for people that made zero effort when it came to our wedding (I mean even just an email, forget paying to come out here for it) I'm leaning towards a no. The catch is that it is first line family, and our absence will be noticeable since mostly everyone else (I think) will be there.
What are your thoughts? What would you do?
12 fabulous blogger's comments:
If it was me, I wouldn't go. You're not close, and weren't concerned about attending your wedding. Definitely let them know you're not coming, and maybe talk to your other family members about how you will not be in attendance if you feel it necessary.
Send a nice gift and a card saying you're sorry that you can't attend. And make an effort to attend any showers/engagement party/etc. Otherwise, I think you're perfectly right that you're not obligated here.
I wouldn't talk to any other family members about why, except perhaps your parents. That kind of thing always gets misinterpreted if repeated.
I definitely see no reason why you're obligated to go. Family or not, it's completely up to you. If I were in your shoes, I'd feel no guilt about sending my regrets, and I actually have done so before in similar situations.
If you don't want to go (and it doesn't sound like you do), than don't! =)
While I agree that you shouldn't feel any need to be in attendance, I think that people sometimes forget how much of a family reunion a wedding is.
In all honesty you would be spending little to no time with the bride and groom and if you have a family that really celebrates weddings - you might feel left out.
If you don't feel like you'll miss out on your family's drinking and dancing - skip out and save the money!
I agree with some of the others - send a note with your RSVP explaining why you can't come and that you are sorry, and send a nice gift. Definitely don't feel obligated to go, especially since you have so many other wedding-related expenses coming up.
I would probably suck it up and go but wish the whole time I hadn't.
So - skip it but send a nice gift. :)
I would skip it but send a nice gift.
My husband's cousin and his wife who got married two months after us and live about 8 hours away skipped our wedding so we skipped theirs due to financial reasons and no one seemed too upset about either situation.
I agree with the others that said not to go, but send a gift. If you can't really afford it and aren't that close to them, I don't see a problem with you not going. I'd do the same if I was in a similar situation.
Sorry for the late response on this... crazy reader these days.
My advice? Don't go. Send a nice card and gift, then call it a day.
We ran into a similar situation for my cousin's wedding (which was 3 months after our wedding). They flew down to our wedding, so we felt obligated to go to their wedding. If they hadn't made the effort to come to ours, we wouldn't have gone to theirs.
And since yours didn't even RESPOND, I would just not go. While other family members will notice your absence, I doubt your cousin will.
Maybe I have to be the voice of good reason, and say that I would still go. Two wrongs don't make a right, and if you want to go then I would go. I'd put all feelings and hurt aside (she didn't attend yours, respond, etc.). If you were invited that means she and her fiance want you there. There could have been reasons they didn't respond (rude, yes but maybe she forgot or something). I'd give it some thought. :)
p.s. I have a similar situation with a good friend of mine. She FORGOT our wedding date and booked a flight out of town to see her fiance. She just got engaged and invited us to her out of town/destination wedding. My fiance and I are still going or are definitely trying to go if we are able. I was hurt she forgot our wedding date, and wasn't coming to our wedding, but I gave it a lot of thought and consideration to still attend her wedding though.
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